The Humor of Melvin Durai
http://www.melvindurai.com
PATRIOTISM SURGES FROM SHORE TO SHORE

If the terrorists who attacked America on Sept. 11 hoped to
divide the nation and break the spirits of Americans, they
failed miserably. Surely they couldn't have envisioned the
wave of patriotism that has swept the country, uniting not
just people of different races, faiths and cultures, but
also the entire family of Michael Jackson. Yes, even LaToya.

Millions of Americans are proudly waving the national flag,
the Stars and Stripes. It's sparkling outside homes, on
bridges, on T-shirts, and all over car dealerships. So many
people are buying the American flag that some stores have
been forced to order extra shipments from China.

Flags and other symbols are also in demand at the nation's
tattoo parlors, where people are eager to ink their
patriotism into any body part with available space. Some men
are discovering, quite excitedly, that a flag tattoo can
serve two important purposes: showing their devotion to
America and covering their bald spots. As one man said, "Why
be just a bald man, when you can be a bald patriot?"

Almost as popular as the flag is the phrase "God Bless
America!" which is being displayed outside almost every
business and office, including the headquarters of the
National Association of Atheists. The National Organization
of Agnostics has opted for a sign that says, "God (?) Bless
America!"

Another slogan appearing in many places is "United We
Stand!" But not everyone can stand to be united. While
watching football at a sports bar, a group of men held up a
sign that said, "United We Sit!" Their wives, visiting a
shopping center, waved a sign that said, "United We Spend."

Several other "United" signs have also appeared. At a sheep
farm: "United Ewe Stand." At an airport lounge: "United We
Standby." At a post office: "United We Stamp." At a psychics
convention: "United We Scam."

Even criminals are exhibiting patriotism by taking a
vacation. Crime in New York City has dropped so drastically,
police officers are trying to keep busy searching for
missing pets. "We used to talk tough, saying stuff like'Take that, you dirty rat!'" one cop recalled fondly. "Now
we're walking around saying, 'Here kitty, here kitty.'"

Crime will return to normal in a few months, the leader of
one crime syndicate promised. "This isn't a good time to be
robbing people," he said. "We've been forced to lay off some
of our best thugs. We'll probably rehire them during a more
appropriate time for criminal activity, such as Christmas."

In perhaps the most outstanding display of patriotism, thousands of young men and women have signed up to join the
military and serve their homeland in the war against
terrorism. "We're ready for anything," a brave recruit said.
"We're willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for our
country: eat military food."

Even America's television networks made sacrifices,
broadcasting a commercial-free telethon that raised more
than $150 million in pledges for terrorism victims. So many
celebrities appeared on the telethon that Meg Ryan, Jack
Nicholson and other stars did little more than answer calls.

Nicholson: "Hello. This is Jack."

Male caller: "Jack? I must have the wrong number. I'm trying
to reach Meg."

Nicholson: "She's busy. May I take your pledge please?"

Caller: "No thanks, Jack. I'll wait for Meg. I'd like to
pledge more than just my money, you know."